Suvra Rahman
“No one gets me! No one understands me! I am a misfit! I am neither a kid nor an adult!What am I?? Who am I?? What’s happening to me?” It’s a common monologue of a teen.
I remember myself at this age but I don’t know if it’s positive or negative that I grew up in ahouse hold which was a bit restricted and I didn’t have any exposure to the world except forone hour of radio, two hours of television and the newspaper. Even then the rage was there,the sense of being misfit was there!!
We live in a very strange era now; it’s a whole new world! A teen can get into anything fromscientific research material to hard core porn!! Some take it positively; they stay strong andpursue their own path. On the other hand a handful of teens stray. They get themisconception of being cool if they follow the uncommon path of mischief. Thus comes themisery of the tough relationship between parents and teens. The parents become too tough onkids, put on restrictions which work like a boomerang! Teen violence is on the rise!
Juveniles have a natural tendency to rebel. This is natural because that’s how all theinnovations, inventions, revolutions occurred throughout the world. What’s natural about thisis, us the adults, have a tainted and over worked mind which cannot go beyond everydaypracticality. On the other hand, the juveniles don’t have any care for the world; as a result,they can jump into the fire!!
I started this conversation today to take the “Juvenile Dilemma” into consideration and to tryto find ways to help the teens so that they can use their endless energy into creating asustainable workforce.
Parenting a teenager is never easy. You may feel exhausted from lying awake at nightworrying about where your child is, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. You maydespair over failed attempts to communicate, the endless fights, and the open non-cooperation—not to mention the moodiness, the intense emotions, and the impulsive andreckless conduct.
Sometimes it may be hard to believe, but no, your teenager is not an alien being from adistant planet. But they1arewired differently. A teenager’s brain is still actively developing,therefore processes information differently than a mature adult’s brain. The frontal cortex—the part of the brain used to manage emotions, make decisions, reason, and controlinhibitions—is restructured during the teenage years, forming new synapses at an incrediblerate, while the whole brain does not reach full maturity until about the mid-20’s.
Your teen may be taller than you and seem mature in some respect,but often they are simply unable to think things through on an adult level. Hormons produced during the physical changes of adolescence can further complicate things.Now this biological difference dont excuse teens’ poor behavior or absolve them from accountability for their action,but they may help explain why teens behave so impulsively or frustrate parents and teachers with their poor decisions, social anxiety and rebelliousness. Understanding adolescent development can help you find ways to connected to your teen and overcome problems together .
It’s also important to remember that whil teenagers are individuals with unique personalities and their own likes and dislikes, some traits are universale. No matter how much your teen seems to withdraw from you emotionally, no matter hopw independent your teen appears , or how troubled your teen becomes, they still need your attention and to feel loved by you.
As parents we have to have an eagle eye on our kids to find the warning signs. These are some of the ways:
1/ Changing appearance:
Typical teen: Keeping up with fashion importants to teen. Thats may mean wearing provocative or attention-seeking clothing or dyeing their hair. Unless your teen wants tattoos avoid criticizing and save your protests for the bigger issues. Fashion change, and so will your teen.
Troubled teen: Changing appearance can be a red flag if it.s accompanied by problems at school or other negative changes in behavior. Evidance of cutting and self harm are extreme weight loss or weight gain is also warning signs.
2 /Increased arguments and rebellious behavior:
Typical teen: As teens begin seeking independence, you frequently butt heads and argue.
Troubled teen: Constant escalation of arguments, violence at hope, skeeping school, getting in fights, and run-ins with the law are all red flag behaviors that go beyond the norm of teenage rebellion.
3/ Mood swings:
Typical teen: Hormones and developmental changes often mean that your teen will experience mood swings, irritable behavior, and struggle to manage their emotions.
Troubled teen: Rapid changes in personality, falling grades, and persistants sadness, anxiety or sleep problems could indicate depression, bullying or another health health issue. Take any talk about suicide seriously.
4. More influenced by friends than parents:
Typical teen: Friends become extremely important to teens and can have a great influence on their choices. As teens focus more on their peers, that inevitably means they withdraw from you. It may leave you feeling hurt, but it doesn’t mean your teen doesn’t still need your love.
Troubled teen: Red flag include a sudden change in peer group ( especially if the new friends encourage negative behavior), refusing to comply with reasonable ruls and boundaries, or avoiding the consequences of bad behavior by lying. Similarly, if your teen is spending too much time alone that can also indicate problems.
So how to solve all these? The first step is to try and communicate. Here is a list:
1. Be aware of your own stress levels
2. Be there for your teen.
3. Find common ground.
4. Listen without judging or giving advice.
5. Expect rejection.
6. Establish boundaries, rules and consequences.
7. Try to understand what’s behind the anger.
8. Be aware of anger warning signs and triggers.
9. Help your teen find healthy ways to relieve anger.
10. Give your teen space to retreat.
11. Take steps to manage your own anger.
12. Create structure.
All these are quite tough to do in practical life but all are adorable. As the saying goes ” you need a village to rise a child” , so take help from all possible sources and never give up!!!
